Rants of a Rebecca

A constant reminder of just

Well there I was on Friday night driving home, just minding my own business, when I saw it. That one thing that brings terror in to the most disconcerting citizen, the flash of blue and red Police lights behind me. Instantly I broke into a sweat, what had I done? I'm sure that light was green? Is my rego paid? Do I have outstanding fines? Will they ask why I have a body in my boot? I pulled over to the side of the road, into a No Standing zone. I was done for sure. My weekend would be spent in a gaol cell now. The officer waited in his car for what seemed like hours. My need to go to the toilet grew, finally he stepped out of the car, as a huddle of Japanese tourists started taking photos. "Evening, just a random license check." He said to me in a friendly manner. "Umm, ok, I'll just find it for you. Is it ok that I'm here? I just noticed this is a No Standing zone." I nervously replied. It is hard to talk when the gaps in the flashing blue and red lights are taken up by camera flashes. He walked off back to his car. My need to go to the toilet grew, now not only was my bladder calling out, but my bowels as well. Eventually the officer returned. "Well that all checks out ok, just need you to do a random breath test." He said with the kind of smirk that he had just taken down my details. This wasn't a random check, it was a pick up. I blew into the bag, zero zero, as usual. I was on my way, and so were the tourists. The sweat stopped running down my face, and I made good use of my freedom. I continued on my way home, avoiding the freeway, which was having bridge works done, so was down to one lane. When I was finally about ten minutes down the road, I had regained my composure from my earlier run in with the police, the night was again mine. Suddenly as I rounded over the railway overpass, there was a Booze Bus. Cars were waved past, but I was directed into the testing lane. "Just a random Breath test" said the perky new Police Officer. My eyes rolled back. Twice in one night, I couldn't believe it. "No problems at all," I replied, "Just did this ten minutes ago in the city." The Officer laughed, a sort of semi evil laugh, "Yeah, it happens like that sometimes, but we still need you to do it." As I blew into the bag, I got a very firm reminder that my bladder and bowel were calling out to me. Oh the pain. I need to get on my way, get home and make use of the toilet. Once again, I blew zero zero, and I was free to go. Directly I proceeded, in a fast and orderly fashion, but never exceeding the speed limit, to my home. I turned onto the freeway, avoiding the roadworks, and shortly there after took my exit. My internal homing device was working well. Not only now was my bowel and bladder pushing harder and harder, giving me a constant reminder of just how close I was to my home, but they had joined together and formed their own theatre company. Opening production "Screaming Out!" I exited the freeway, and made my way over the bridge, to find...... ANOTHER BOOZE BUS!!! I waited in line, waiting my turn. My bowel and bladder had moved into the second act of their performance, staging a coup, with violence. "Good evening, how are you tonight. Just a random breath test." Said the Police officer. By now my B and B had taken over my body, they were not to be contained anymore. "YES, I know what it is. I've had heaps of practice tonight on these things, this is the third bloody time tonight, and I've never even tried alcohol in my entire life, let alone in the last five minutes!" The officer was a bit taken back, but I still had to do the test. She made it happen as quickly as possible, so I could get on my way, and let my bladder and bowel finally have peace. But it wasn't the end of it. The car in front of me needed to be pulled over to the side of the road, they had been naughty, they had been drinking. This was going to take a while. By now, my bladder and bowel were into the third and final act, they were singing their swan song. Not long to go now, and it would be a case of exiting the building. I made it through my front door just in time. By carefully holding my breath, crossing my legs, and clenching my bum cheeks, I managed to make it to the toilet, with my dignity intact. I learnt my lesson that night, drinking is just not worth it. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 11/28/2005 12:57:00 pm