Rants of a Rebecca

Cat may want

Hi Thongs, and other non footwear items. Well I have been given a challenge by Hillbilly Mom. She wants me to write an essay on the following subject:

An apple core, a kitten with one eye, a dead rat and a string to swing it with, and a tick in a percussion-cap box.

An easy task indeed, so sit back, relax, and be ready for a test at the end of it all. So, you want an easy Hillbilly way to impress your friends? Well why not try this simple task. First of all, you need an apple. No need to go and do anything silly like buy one. Just climb over the fence, and steal one from your neighbours yard. Once you have the apple, eat it so there is only the core left. The next thing you need is a kitten with one eye. While there are not that many of these around these days, you can find them. Just head down to your local Hillbilly Mechanics, also known as Uncle Bob's place,where you can find a fine collection of; One eyed cats, two headed dogs, three tailed raccoons, four legged chickens, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS! Sorry, I got a little carried away with that last thing you could find. Anyway, while you are at Uncle Bob's, collecting that car that he has just resprayed a different colour, and changed the number plates for you, pick yourself up a one eyed kitten. The next thing you need is a dead rat. An easy task for any Hillbilly. Just go to your locker at school, and you can find a fine collection. The next thing you need is string. This may prove to be a hard thing to do. String is that amazing object that you use to hold up your pants. Now using your own string is a dangerous thing. If you use it, your pants will fall down, so remember to wear underwear. On second thoughts, underwear is a more difficult thing to explain than string, so try this instead. While your Uncle/Dad is sleeping on the couch, take his string. This string should be attached to your dead rat. Just tie it up the same way you tie up your pants. Lastly you will need a Tick in a percussion cap box. As any Hillbilly knows, the only place to get these is Walmart. You will find them in aisle 27, just past the SVU style cup holders. Now that you have all the bits and pieces, it is time to put them to use. To impress your friends, You need to place the apple core on the one eyed cats' head. The cat may want to move around a fair bit when you do this, so to occupy the cat, take the tick from the box, and place it somewhere on the cat. While the tick will enjoy this, the cat wont, but it will take it's mind off the apple core. You then need to get as far as you can from the cat, but at a distance where you can still see it. A good distance to be is the length of the hallway at your school. Be careful Mabel doesn't see you. She can see everyone and everything, after all, she is Hillbilly Mom's imaginary friend. When you get to the other end of the hall, swing the dead rat above your head, clockwise or anti-clockwise will work just as good as each other. When you can see body parts coming off the dead rat, let go of the string, and watch as it flies through the air, and knocks the apple core of the one eyed cats' head. The rat will be all so pretty for the tick too, so it will leave the cat. You will be king of the class room. That is until someone works out a better way to stick a Big Red wrapper to their head. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 2/26/2006 12:12:00 am