Rants of a Rebecca

These little reminders

Hi Mock Cream, and other non buttery goodness. I want to start this post by saying the comments below are not about, nor in relation to, any readers of this blog. I am not having a go at any of you, who have provided much fun and enjoyment during my time as a blogger. In some personality tests, people get given the choice of "Alone on a desert island, or surrounded by friends?" or words to that affect. Well I can tell you all, always go with the latter, being alone sucks. I know, I live it. Being alone is something you get to grow with. It saves you having the need to have people around you all the time, or close at hand, but when you do need other people, being alone means there is no one there, you have to go it alone, and it is a gut wrenching experience. Every now and then, you get these little reminders, things that force it home to you that you are in fact alone, and that support base just isn't there at all. Today is one of those days for me. You see today is my birthday, I'm 31. Last year, I was 30 (no shit Einstein), and it was the first year of me being alone. You feel lethargic, everything is a chore, and a real sense of "What is the point of it all?" closely followed by tears. My only saving grace was an SMS (or text message if you like) from Sophie, and last night, I went out for dinner with 5 people. All up 13 had accepted the invitation, and said they would be there, but then they all dropped off, other plans came up. Hey I put in the ground work, but still, today, the actual day of my birthday, one SMS's. No cards, no phone calls, absolutely no presents. I think the thing that really drives it home, is no calls or anything from any kind of family. Sure we all have people we call family, I'm talking about actual blood relations here, and from them there is nothing. I guess this means that on this day every year, I get to celebrate their confirmation of non existence. Now don't worry, I'm not trying to put all you readers on a guilt trip, wanting you to say how sorry you are, and leave Happy Birthday comments on Rants of a Rebecca, as I said before, this is not about anyone here, I have no issues at all there, all I am doing with this blog entry is expressing some of my feelings, for my own good. One good thing about not having any contact from any "family" is I don't have to return any to them, which means over the next few days, when a few of them have their birthdays, I wont have to waste money on phone calls, or cards, or presents. I can just get on with my day, as though nothing has happened. I guess that is some sort of saving grace for me. So for now, I'm just going to curl up into a ball on the couch and hum happy birthday to myself, let the tears fall, and get on with tomorrow. Blog Out HooRoo Bec

posted by Rebecca @ 10/13/2005 02:24:00 pm