Rants of a Rebecca: December 2005

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Here's to a new year

To everyone for 2006, may your year be a wonderful experience. May your life move forward in a positive way. May you give all the love you can to your children. May you still be here to enjoy 2007. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Friday, December 30, 2005

Oh how deflating

Hi Gargoyles, and other things I have not been married to. Well it has been a while since I've done a post. Thanks blogger for playing up yet again, where is your festive spirit? Anyway, time for a stalker update...update...update...gee it is hard to type an echo. Since the last letter arrived, I've actually done lunch with my stalker. Given that I am here typing this, it is proof that he is not an axe murderer, but he may still be a distant cousin to hilllbilly Mom's friend Fitty. Only time will tell. This was the first time I had met someone via my blog, it was a bit of a surreal experience. How do you end a sentence with LOL, or PMSL or other such e-terms? Well all I can say is he was a nice guy, and we enjoyed lunch and a coffee, before I rushed off to work. Now I am just waiting on the next letter to arrive in my Post Office box, to see where this is all going. A bit of a big day yesterday. I finally paid off my air ticket to Thailand, and also picked up my travelers checks. Oh how deflating it is to see your bank account go from a five figure sum, to a couple of hundred dollars to live on for the next few weeks. But on the plus side at least, now I know everything is going to happen, and nothing or nobody can stop that. Some of you may have seen recently, a couple of comments from an "anon" reader. I know who this person is, and all they are trying to do is discredit me. The stupid thing is, I can track exactly where they are posting these comments from, and all I will do is keep deleting them, just after I have printed out the details. They know they have a lot to lose, so why they keep this up I don't know. All they are doing is stressing themselves, pathetic, just pathetic. I really don't care, the more 'damage' they want to do to me, the better really. It just makes it worse for them. Oh how I laugh merrily. I had intended to include photos with this blog entry, but as I am typing it at work, no can do. However, despite Hillbilly Mom getting her number guess wrong, I will show some pity and post my Passport photo in the next few days. Finally you will all see what nightmares there are in the world. Think of all your evils rolled into one. Shield the eyes of children, for they should not see such horrors. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Saturday, December 24, 2005

A simple ask. (Remotely Blogged)

Hi Everyone, As I write this, it is five hours away from 3:09 am, December 25. Nine years ago, the biggest event of my life occurred. My eldest son Adrian was born. It was a wonderful event, the best thing being he was very healthy. Tipping the scales at 10lb 3oz, and being 22 inches in height, he was off to a good start in life. Unfortunately, through absolutely no fault of his own, his life in the last few years has been quite traumatic. He, and his brother, have not been allowed to be children, to work things out for themselves and enjoy their childhood. So as your birthday draws close Adrian, I want you to know that I love you as much as any parent could, and I am so sorry that once again this year we will not be together on your birthday. I will continue to work as hard as I can to be there for your tenth birthday.

For everyone else out there, who are about to enjoy Christmas, I have a simple ask. Please put bitterness aside, come together as family, and let your children enjoy the magic of the season. Christmas is not about the most expensive gift you can give. Christmas is the time to look into a child's eyes, deep into their heart and let them know that they are welcome, they are cherished, they are special, they are loved.

At this time of the year, there are many of us, who for one reason or the other, are alone at Christmas. Please spare a thought for those for whom Christmas is a stressful and depressing time. If you get the chance, give them a smile, give them hug, give their heart some hope.

Merry Christmas to you all. HooRoo Rebecca

Friday, December 23, 2005

Beclakia Takes A Holiday

All Sneeze Beclakia! Hi Everyone, Well holidays are coming up for me, so I thought I would head down to my local travel agent, and see what kind of places I could go to. While there I saw a brochure for Hillmomba, which I thought I would share with you all.

Why Welcome Y'all tah Hillmomba! We hope you come visit, we've made Chex Mix for y'all. Just make sure you see Billy-Joe and Joe-Bob on the front door first and say the pass word. So you don't get confused, Joe-Bob is the one on the left.

We welcome pets here in Hillmomba, but we do ask you keep them in an approved container, like this one

While you are in Hillbmomba, why not join in on one of the many sightseeing tours, visiting places such as Hillmomba Tower, the tallest building in the land

Or if you are into high adventures, try our Space Museum. We will have this craft in orbit, just as soon as we can find a bottle big enough to hold the stick.

For the family, why not visit our Inbred Zoo, fun for the whole family. Just look how happy this young 'un is to be there.

If it is swamps you are after Hillmomba has the lot! Why not relax in one of our swamp side campers

Or maybe take to the water on one of our cruisers. We guarantee that if you don't get malaria on your visit, you get to come back for free next time, to try again.

Hillmomba is well serviced by public transport. If you need a lift, just stick out your thumb, and one of our drivers will pick you up. Or why not try one of our Silver coloured taxi's.

Speaking of motorsports, what kind of hillbilly place would we be with out our own Formula One Grand Prix! This year, we have even included our own team, see if you can pick our team. Hint: Not the red cars.

Of course, the top of anyone's list when seeing Hillmomba, is the home of our Queen. Visitors are welcome, as long as they are not there to steal her land.

So why not come visit us y'all, and have a rocking good time!

Well there you have it everyone. I've decided to not go there, and instead will mail the Hillmomba Crown back to Hillbilly Mom. I've even found a Hillmomba postal box to send it from.

All Sneeze Beclakia! Blog Out, HooRoo, Rebecca

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Five minutes of mindless

Hi Air Guitars, and other non Zen items. Overtune, light the lights, this is it..... My first ever stand up comedy gig is coming up in a few weeks, January 11, 2006 to be exact, and I worried. I have no routine worked out, and since booking this gig a couple of months ago now, I've only written five jokes, which are not topical. One thing that really helped last night (actually it was two nights ago, but I had to blog about THE letter), is I worked out my opening and closing jokes. All I have to do now is work out enough jokes to fill in the other 4mintues and 30 seconds of my 5 mintue spot. Writing jokes is nothing new to me, I've been doing it for years, but everything has always been either topical, or an "in" joke amongst friends. This is writing for an audience who don't know me, and it is a bit of a freak out. I am sure by now, a few of you are wondering what my jokes are, but I wont tell them here..., yet. You will all just have to wait until after the gig, or to turn up to the gig to find out. If you want to know where the gig is, just pop a letter into Mitch, and I will let you know. Heck, maybe my mystery stalker will find it in him to make up a g-mail addy, or something else that he can't be tracked by, seeing as though he likes to stay anon, and I can let him know. Mmmm, maybe I shouldn't have written that last bit, I might be giving him idea's. Anyway, if you are looking for five minutes of mindless "entertainment", concerning such subjects as homeless people, train announcements, the Commonwealth games, and carjacking, just let me know. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Being swept off

I left the Blood Bank in a hurry. It was 1:40pm, and my post office box was a good 20 minutes away, if I had a good run there. The car was hot from the blistering sun, and I was in no mood for the start of the peak hour traffic. Which way would I turn, what roads would I take? I was still wondering as my e-tag went "beep" as I crossed the Bolte Bridge, curse the convoy of trucks for Footscray Road, curse them. I had to get to my Post Office box before 2pm. A package I was waiting on from ebay should be there by now, then I realised, I really didn't care about the package. That was not my reason for rushing to my little black box marked 4151. I wanted to know if there was another letter from my stalker, not that they have really been a stalker as such, unless it was them who stole my underwear from my clothesline about six months ago, but I doubt it was them. I had to know more about this person. Would my ploy to work out what their gender is have worked? Would I get to know a little more about them? Would they finally reveal who they are? Would they turn out to be my Lanternlight? My heart was a flutter, my hands were shaking with excitement, I had the giggles as I turn the key in box 4151. What secrets would be revealed? A letter from child support, "Merry Christmas, we have just upped your payment requirements by 20%." A card saying parcel to pick up, coolies from ebay. A letter, there was a letter, it was the letter I had come to hope for, the letter I had yearned. As I read, my excitement moved from my hands to my heart, why am I feeling this way? My mind raced with thoughts of meeting the mystery person, my mystery man, thanks to details in the new letter. The new letter was twice as long as the first, but still just as evasive. Who is this man, where is this heading? Questions and dilemma's raced though my head, my mouth could do nothing but blurt out more giggles, I blushed, I continue to blush every time I read the letter again and again, wonder, trying to work out just a little bit more. My thoughts moved to meeting this person, but how could I? I have a thick wall of protection around me, and I know nothing about this man. Does he know about my past? Could he take the time to get to know me for who I am? How long would it take for me to break down some of my wall for him to get to know me? Six months, a year, could he wait that long? The letter is both comforting an bewildering at the same time. What to do? Could I go on blogging about his letters, and getting mail form him every few days? Is that what our lives are meant to be in relation to each other? I dare not say relationship, it is nothing like that, but is this his way of making it get like that? I am being swept off my feet, decisions, decisions, anguish. He worries about his hand writing, it is better than mine by a long shot. He knows about my blue eyes, he has an attention to detail, but comments strangely about my dress. Has he seen me in my work uniform? I hope not. He writes from the heart, I can tell that, but why. Where is this going, am I ready for a journey, I am not sure, I like to know where I am going. I sit here, and ponder, wonder, breath, just breath. Where to next? Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Year in Meme

Hi Trams, and other non "are you turning left here?" things, Well I have once again stolen this from another blog, thanks Sheriff. In fact, it is such a lame attempt at stealing, while I did change the font colour I didn't bother to change the number plates. The one thing I have done though, is put in my own answers. 1. What did you do in 2005 that you hadn't done before? Not play any competative sport for the entire year. My body needed a recovery break, and it got one, but it was hard work 2. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not close to me, but I know of a few babies popping out. 3. Did anyone close to you die? Firstly I would need some one close to me for that to happen, mind you, a few idiots tried to die close to me, by not looking to see if a train was coming. 4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory? I went to Perth. First time I had actually met my friend Sophie. I had a great time, but I am sure she wishes it had never happened. 5. Best thing you bought? More cows. 6. Where did most of your money go? On legal fees, trying to get to see my kids. 7. What do you wish you had done more of? See my kids. 8. What do you wish you had done less of? Been stuffed around by my ex trying to find where my kids are. 9. What kept you sane? Just trying to get through each day. It was boarderline. 10. What drove you mad? See number six 11. What made you celebrate? Nothing. 12. What made you sad? Go on, have a guess, you know you want to. 13. How was your birthday this year? Fairly relaxed affair, a couple of friends joined me for dinner, followed by me having a pretty good spot for comedy. Then the next day was my actual birthday, and that sucked 14. What political issue stirred you the most this year? Parliment Security being told they can no longer refer to people as 'mate'. Very unAustralian. 15. Were you in love in 2005? No 16. What would you like to have in 2006 that you didn't have this year? This one is a bit too much of a can of worms to answer. All I will say is that after years and years, I will finally get it, and 2006 is the year.. 17. What date from 2005 will be etched in your memory and why? My birthday, it gave me closure on a few things.. 18. What song will remind you of 2005? Crazy Frog. So annoying, so evil 19. Compared to this time last year are you happier? Pretty much an even count there! 20. Biggest achievement this year? Getting through the year. No make that scraping through the year. 21. Biggest disappointment this year? Not seeing my kids at all. 22. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied? Seeing my kids every single day. 23. Best new person you met this year? Would Sophie count as a new person? I only knew her via the net and the phone before that. 24. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year? When a personal crisis happens, you get to know who your real friends are, and you will be lucky to find any. Well there is another one stolen from Sheriff. I hope you all create your own lists now. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Who Are You?

Hi Badges, and other non stick pin things. OK, so I am freaking out. Right now I am being stalked, but in a good way, if there is such a thing. My regular readers, and I know there is not another 36 of them, will remember a post from a few days ago, about a Christmas card I recieved from "Trampanto Blog Fan #37". Well the mystery person has done it again, and sent me a letter this time. Now I wont be publishing that letter here, because they wrote it to me personally, and it is something they wanted to just tell me, and not the rest of the world. But in all of this, a question still remains, WHO IS THIS MYSTERY PERSON? I think I have worked out a couple of things, but really I still have no idea who this person is, this game is fun, I just hope it doesn't turn violent. First of all, they are aged 37. I had an inkling that was the case, but it has been confirmed to me in the letter. Second of all, know they live in Melbourne, because of the postmark, and the speed of which they could reply in writing to my blog entry. Thirdly, from the style of hand writing, the wording of the letter, and the type of paper used, I believe this person is female. But hey, you can never be too sure these days, right? A long google search shows that the person either like Shakespeare, or Willy Wonka, but doesn't reveal a website for them, unless it is Matti-B, who is lying about is age. Another thing I have worked out, is it is not someone whose blog is listed in my readings list. No one there matches the profile of this mystery person. Mmm, I will just have to wait for the next letter for now, to work out who this person is, and I will work it out soon. HooRoo Rebecca

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I think I should go to bed.

Hi Paperback Writers, and other non fictionists. I was chatting with a friend of mine tonight, and she is thinking about getting her breast implants removed. While she thought it was a good idea in her youth to get something pretty big (From a B cup to a DD - E size), these days her back is hurting a bit too much, so out they go. The idea was thrown around to put them on ebay, but I thought of a few other suggestions. Feel free to add any other to the list, you never know, she may just use yours.

Given the size of them, I think if I glue the two of them together, I'll have a nice king sized beenbag.
Either that, or I could put them on my feet and use them as snow shoes
Actually, my car doesn't have airbags... Mmmm?
Maybe they could be used as a landing mat for the pole vaulting at the Olympic Games.
I hear they are looking for something to plug the leak where that big petrol fire is in England.
I hear they are looking for housing in Pakistan, after the earthquake.
New Orleans are buying them, to use as an emergency levee bank to save the city form another flood.
Oh, I hear they are going to be used as the Jumping Castle at the next Disneyland.
And they have just been added to the hill climbing stages on next years' Tour De France.

I think I should go to bed now. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Go claiming this

Hi Irish Wrist Watch, and other bad children's names. Well someone out there likes me. They think I am worthy of taking some time over to send me a gift.

No this is not some crappy attempt at Christmas decorations around here, this is the cover of a Christmas card that someone has sent me, and it got me thinking. Why do we only send the greetings of the season to someone when it is summer time? But I didn't have long to think about that, because on the inside I found something quite interesting.

Some out there likes me, in fact, there seems to be a whole fan club, and this person is member number 37. Now before any of you go claiming this is from you, it was post marked Dandenong, which cuts down the possibilities a fair bit. All I have to say is thank you to whom ever you are, but don't expect to get a card in return. After all, you didn't bother to leave me your address. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Mmm, should I up the rate

Hi Cherry blossoms, and other non pink things. Well as my regular readers will know, there has not been any updates here at the Rants for a little while. I'd like to take this point in time to thank everyone who sent me emails and the like, wondering if I was ok. Dang I hate how sarcasm doesn't work out when you type. Anyway, despite the fact none of you care, I am now back. My troubles began the day after my last blog, no internet service. Quite a few abusive phone calls later, I am now back online. The highlight of my time away would have to have been dealing with this guy in a typical Indian call centre, who had a very thick accent all the time, except for when he said his name. His name by the way was.....BOB. In other news, I have been breath tested another four times since I last blogged. The police are out to get me, I know they are, they are just going about it the wrong way. When they start doing random DNA testing, I know I will be in trouble then. They will finally be able to work out that it was me who licked the vegemite knife, then used it again. Another weird dream last night, thankfully not a long one this time. I was out in the back yard, getting corn. When I tore back the outer layer of one of the pieces of corn, it contained about half a dozen brown trout. They were all alive, and of decent size. From there it jumped to a scene in a suburban street, where a mobile lawyer had set up his booth, and all the cork boards had signs on them saying 40% off all photos. Mmm, should I up the rate, or down the rate of medication? Maybe I just need to start taking some. My toe is recovering nicely, today is the first day of it not being covered up, so it will be interesting to see how things go. I tried wearing a pair of low heels for the first time the other day, definitely a bad choice to make. They will just have to wait a few more weeks before getting the stench from my feet again. Well I know this is a shit boring post, I get this way around this time of year. It is coming up to Christmas, but more importantly for me, my eldest sons' birthday. December 25 is a double downer day for me right now, so instead of really stressing over it, I tend to switch off a bit. In eight weeks time I am off on an overseas holiday, yay! An update of my passport was needed, because since the last one was issued, I've changed my name. It is nice to know that in a democracy like Australia's, some dipshit whose name was drawn out of a hat, which makes him manager for a day, can refuse me a passport. After a few hours of arguing with him, with me stating the policy of the department, and him telling me not to tell him how to do his job, he finally took 2 minutes to read what I had been telling him. Now in a few weeks I get to pick up my passport, and maybe take a dump on his desk. I will see how I feel on the day. And now, it is competition time. Seeing as though Hillbilly Mom is the most constant reader here, she has been chosen to represent all of you other readers. What I am doing is thinking of a number, if Hillbilly Mom can think of what that number is, and guess it correctly, I will post my passport photo here. Good luck everyone, you will need it. Oh and to make things easier, it is a number between 10 and 20. Well it is now breakfast time for me, so as you all know. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca