Rants of a Rebecca

Big Blogger 2006

Don't say I didn't warn you all this time. Things will be a bit different this time around, more details to follow in March. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/31/2006 11:28:00 am 7 Wise Cracks

At a nice

Hi Humidity, and other non watery things. My blogging is off the boil of late. Personally I would say it has been pretty crap of late. I have a lot on my plate right now, and the world is going at a thousand miles an hour for me, but strangely there is no need or want to get off, because it is moving along at a nice pace. If that makes sense. There is a post I have been thinking about writing for months now, but I just don't know where to start. This post is not that post, it is a post about that post, or rather about me not being able to write that post for some reason. Confused? I am. You see, if I wrote the post, there would be a fair bit of reaction to it, both good and bad. Others would write about it on their blogs, and it would just keep going, and be on peoples minds for quite a while. It is something that would open me up for (un-needed) attack, but at the same time would draw others closer to me, and increase the friendship. Both of these things I can live with out. So why post, why even think about posting something, that will upset the apple cart so to speak? Why does my stomach churn thinking about writing it, when it really is not a big deal, and doesn't affect anyone else? It is just one of those things that people choose to make affect them. People like to make a stance, they like living in their own little boxes. If they find out someone else has something in their little box, they either want it in their, or want to destroy it. What is wrong with just accepting others are not you? I am not getting very deep and meaningful here, I am rambling. Heck, I knew I should have had breakfast before I blogged, but I had the need to type, to just get a few of the thousand thoughts out of my head. I was discussing this very issue (that I am not speaking of here) with a friend on Wednesday night. It was a long night of deep and meaningful discussion, and more questions than a factory full of Trivia games. At the end of the night, I managed to get into my car, before bursting into uncontrollable tears. It was a long slow drive home for me. At the end of it all, I didn't feel any better, I didn't feel any worse, I just sort of existed. I ask myself what is the right thing to do, and my heart and my head are agreeing on the one thing, but I just can't put it into words what it is I feel I need to say. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/30/2006 08:52:00 am 3 Wise Cracks

Beclakian War Update

All Sneeze Beclakia! Well good war followers, as you now there is an on going battle between Beclakia, and Hillmomba. Not too long ago, this war took an interesting twist. Thanks to a junior Hillmombian, who is into Everything Electronic, the battle moved to an online game called Evolution, where real wars can be fought, with only a few binary codes being the victims. Earlier today, after days of development, Beclakia finally had the ability to launch a select group of attack Cows (Don't laugh, they are better than Monkeys), into space, to hurtle their way to the planet of Hillmomba, and show those Hillbillies what they are made of, and I am not talking Hamburger Helper. The count down happened, the launch was set, the browser refreshed, to tell me.....

So once again, Beclakia puts in the hard effort needed to wage an interplanetary war, but because the Hillmombians just sat around doing nothing, I'm not allowed to fight them, and take their land, their Crown, or their Chex Mix. Who said "All is fair in love and war"? Obviously they had no idea what war is all about. All Sneeze Beclakia! Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/28/2006 05:05:00 am 2 Wise Cracks

Try them out

Hi Parking Spaces, and other non time limited zones. Waaaaaaaaayyyyyy back on January 5, I ordered a new pair of glasses. "No problems, they will be ready in about a week." I was told. This was a good thing, because at the time I had a month before I fly out on my holidays. Now "about a week" to me, means anything between five days and ten days, I will maybe even add a day or too if there is a public holiday involved. So don't no one go telling me I am not a fair person. After ten days, I called, to find out that the glaesses were not there yet, but should be there either the next day or the day after that. Every three days I kept calling back, to be told the same thing. Each time I called, I remined them of the fact they told me they would call me in the next day or so, to tell me my glasses were there. I never got any calls. Today I finally cracked it, and went into the shop to find out where my glasses were, and crack it I did. When I got into the shop, I was told they forgot to call me, and that my glasses were there. Finally I thought to myself, no need to worry about them not getting here before I go. Oh sometimes I think too soon.... I put the glasses on, and the arms are the wrong arms. A minor point, but I can deal with that. But as I went to put them on,the store manager told me, "Oh, there is a little scratch on the lens, I tried to get it off, but it wouldn't move." OK, at this point in time, I am getting a little bit pissed off now, but when I put them on, I really blew my top. The "little scratch" was right in the middle of the lens, and a major focal point for my left eye. I tried to look around it, but all I got was glare across the glass. Massive NOT HAPPY JAN* moment this one. The store manager was trying his best to close the sale, but I was having none of that. He suggested to me I take the glasses and try them out for a while, I might get use to the scratch. NO WAY was I having a bar of that, these things are expensive enough, and the last thing I am going to do is wait three weeks to get something that is damaged. They can fix them, and have it done before I go on my holiday. He then tried to tell me they can't do that in time, because there will be new orders they have to do first. By now, I was making a scene, I was having none of this. He on the other hand was still trying to tell me to take the glasses, and see how I went with them over a few days. So, when I got hope, I called the Head Office, and gave them a blast too. The result fro all of this? Well I get to pick up my glasses on Monday, and this time, there better not be a scratch on the lens, because I'm taking with me a Rent-A-Mob group. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca *Not Happy Jan was a local advert for the Yellow Pages, which has become a bit of a cult statement in the land of OZ.

posted by Rebecca @ 1/25/2006 04:03:00 pm 2 Wise Cracks

Like playing bunker

Hi Balmy Days, and other non pina colada things. Yesterday, I did something I have not done in years. I went swimming in the ocean. The beach has never been my favourite place, I can't stand sand. I think it stems from having worked on a beach many years ago, or a fear of kitty litter, or I just don't like playing bunker shots in golf. Either way, the sand has turned me from the water. But yesterday was different. I was visiting some friends down in Warrnambool, and it was a stinker of a day, so to the beach we went. Oh the feeling of floating about in the waves, swimming freely, I did not want to get out of the water. If it wasn't for the fact I am so unfit right now, this would have been remotely blogged. In fact, I think I might end this blog entry short and head back down the beach now. Blog Out, HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/20/2006 03:02:00 pm 8 Wise Cracks

For something similar

Hi instruction Manuals, and other non informative things. I like Op Shopping. There I have said it. Cast your doubt on me, throw me aside, pity me if you will, but I like Op Shopping. I can hear the chickens now, Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! But it is not about being a tightarse when it comes to buying things, it is the thrill of the hunt. If you go to just about any Shopping Centre (except my local one, dang it is bad), you can get what you want, in the size you want, in the colour you want, or even in green. While there you can find the matching shoes, matching handbag, get a coffee (and associated "Blow the Diet" cake), totally max out your credit card, and leave happy. Op Shopping is not like that. In an Op Shop, it is like hunting for wild animals to feed your family. Sure you could just get food stamps while you are there, if you want to feed your family, but that is a different story. For me, it is like playing clothes lotto. Think about it, you find the perfect top, it looks great, but dang, it is a size 10, and way too small. So you start looking for something similar, because you will never find THAT same top again. Finally after hours of searching, in which time your nose has lost all sense of smell, because of the lingering smell of moth balls. Side issue. Just how do moths eat moth balls? They are huge, and I have never seen a moth with a mouth big enough to fit one of those balls in it. Hang on, maybe moths have a detachable jaw like snakes. Mmmm. Anyway, you finally find the right sized top, one that you are fairly happy with colour wise, but you still curse that size 10. You take the top, try it on in the change room, and then you notice the big tear in the side which you have no way of ever repairing. So this top is also a write off. Finally out of shear frustration, you just grab yet another denim skirt, because you can never have enough of those, and walk out. But that is not the end of the shopping experience, because Op Shops are never found in singles, they are like rabbits, and where you find one, you find a dozen. You have your big name stores, The Salvo's, St.Vinnies, Red Cross. You have your second tier stores, RSPCA, Hospital Auxiliary. You have your local stores, CWA Op Shoppe, Wednesday Only Church op shops, and finally the real crap of the crap KMart. Another thing I've noticed in Op Shops, is the want of some people to haggle. You see them all the time, turning up in their BMW's or SVU's, finding some old tea pot set, then trying to haggle down the price to $2.50 instead of $3. These people really piss me off. Most likely they are art collectors who will then go off and sell the piece for thousands of dollars. Do these people realise at all, that this shops are a charity? If you want to complain about paying $2 for mirror, go and pay full retail, and have a good hard look at yourself. So at the end of my Op Shop experience yesterday, I walked away with one new top, one new skirt, and an old board game from my childhood. Now if only I can remember how to play it. I knew I should have spent the extra 10 cents for the instructions. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/17/2006 09:54:00 am 5 Wise Cracks

An idea, delete

Hi Aisle 6, and other non Mental Home excursion destinations. Well last night I did it. I took to the stage for 4 minutes and 54 seconds (dang, just a touch short of my allotted five minutes), of first class, first time ever, Stand Up comedy. For now, I am currently waiting on the reviews, well review that Andy has said he will write, but I think the night went fairly well. Given I had a couple of complete strangers come up to me after the gig to congratulate me on a good show, I think I earned the thumbs up. One thing I set myself for the routine was to not swear. It annoys me these comedians who have to pepper out their material with lots of swearing. It is not funny, it is not in context, and it is lame. Mind you, having said that, I did use the words "bastard" "crap" and "piss", but they were all in context. It was referring to homeless people and how they are not just there for Backpacking Tourists to urinate on at 3am, when they are drunk, as the highlight of their holiday Down Under. The next thing now, is to write another routine, and do it again, which will happen some time in the future, but I'm not setting any dates yet. Mind you, the second routine will be a bit easier to write, given I forgot to perform a few of the jokes I had written for this spot, and here I was worried that I didn't have enough material to perform. Now I guess by now you are all wondering what the jokes were, well I am not telling. If I do, someone more famous will steal them and use them in their show, and I'd get no royalties. Oh, alright then, I'll try and do a blog version of a joke and see how much it dies here. I use to have long hair, it was so long it was down to my knees. Then I discovered bikini line waxing. Yeah, I know. I knew it wouldn't work. But hey, it did lead in nicely to the final joke I told for my spot. In other news..... Lydia is dead! Yes that is right. Lydia is D-E-A-D dead! So who is Lydia I hear you ask? Well she is someone that keeps getting her phone calls directed to my home phone, and today I finally got sick of it. Here is how it went.

dialer: Hello Lydia. Me: This isn't Lydia. dialer: Oh, sorry, is Lydia there. Me: Umm, sorry, haven't you heard? I thought someone would have told you by now. Umm, I don't know quite how to tell you this, but, umm, Lydia is dead. dialer [Getting a little frantic]: Oh no, when did this happen, what happened? Me: Umm, I'm not too sure, but I would say it happened a few years ago, given I have had this phone number for about two years now, yet every month you keep calling me asking for Lydia. It is pissing me off, and I am sure the constant calling from you pissed Lydia off, so much so it killed her. Here is an idea, delete this number from your records, then you might get it through your thick head. dialer: {click}

I hope by now, she has it worked out. If she doesn't, next month Lydia may return from the grave, and tell this idiot that she is the idiot's husband's mistress. Stay tuned. Well that is about all for now. I'm going to be redoing this website in the next week or so, and then in three weeks time, it will take a break for a month. I am finally having my holidays from work. After two years of being there, I need a break, so why not redo this site, then go find some homeless people to urinate on. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/12/2006 05:41:00 pm 7 Wise Cracks

Have something worked

Hi Cool Banana's and other non chilled herbs. Well nothing really to blog about today, despite the fact I had to get up at 2am for work, and it is now 9:20pm, and my day is not yet at a stand. Glad I have a late start of 7am tomorrow at work. Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow (I love you tomorrow, you're only a day away) it is my first ever stand up comedy gig, and I have NOTHING! Don't worry for those of you who are attending this gig, I will have something worked out by then. For now, I must go and read a few Bon-Bon's to get some good material. One thing from today, I took a few photos, here is one that also got the Photoshop treatment, to give it a bit of colour.

Don't worry, I didn't get a colon exam. It is actually the sun today, about 10am. I liked the cloud pattern and thought it would go well with a bit of a work over. Well time for me to go to bed got to try and get some sleep. Sorry for the crappy postings lately, I've been fairly hard at it with work and the mind hasn't really been switched on to this kind of thing, but don't worry. In 8 days I have to go off the medication I am on, two weeks before I go on my holidays. Because of the increased risk of a DVT, I can't mix this stuff with long haul flying. So just give me a few days and things will start to get interesting around here. Blog out, HooRoo, Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/10/2006 09:19:00 pm 2 Wise Cracks

Prime Wednesday lunch

Hi Stray Cats, and other non three chord bands. I was in a chat room today (gosh horror!), now before you go asking, I wont name it, there are millions of them out there, you will never find me. This room is just silly chat, but it is a good pep me up when I need one. Anyway, just about any kind of comment goes there, as long as it is in context. The moderators do a good job, I have to give them a plug, because after all I am one of them. As I was saying, just about any comment goes, but today, for some reason, I was told I over stepped the mark. Let me paint the picture for you..... There was a lull in the chat, so one of the chatters used an audio sample from the movie War Games, which says "Would you like to play a game?" So people started asking what kind of game, and the game "Twister" was raised. Someone then joked, "Naked or Original". To which I replied "How about we spice things up and play the Cerebral Palsy version?" At this point in time, I was put on a one minute ban. Now I am not having a go at people who have Cerebral Palsy, I think they are great people. Heck, when I was in school a guy who use to have quite a bad case of CP and he wanted a slot on the school radio, which I ran. He got the prime Wednesday lunch spot and was one of our best DJ's. Sure his back announcing of songs left you wondering a bit, but he was great. All I thought was it would be great to play Twister with people who have motor neurological issues, not to take the piss out of them, but for the sheer fun of the moment. Now if I had said NAKED Cerebral Palsy Twister, I could understand being thrown out of the room. Just a random comment for today. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/06/2006 06:35:00 pm 3 Wise Cracks

Beclakia, Industries Version 2.5

All Sneeze Beclakia! Hi Everyone, Yes I know it is another Beclakia post, but this time it is just a quick one. We have two new T-Shirts in our collection, one for the tourists, and one for the geeks.

posted by Rebecca @ 1/05/2006 07:57:00 pm 2 Wise Cracks

Beclakia Strikes Again!

All Sneeze Beclakia! Well everyone, seeing as though the new year has started, I thought I should give you a Beclakian update. Our war with Hillmomba continues, and today to took a turn for the better. As we all know, an army marches on its stomach, or in the case of the hillbillies of Hillmomba, they march on their beards. That has got to hurt. Anyway, as of today, thanks to the profits of our T-Shirt sales (which have been found to age a Christmas pudding in just 3 hours, instead of the usual year it takes traditionally), we have now purchased a new company, say hello to the latest Beclakian company..... SONIC

Now that we own the favourite Drive-In of not only America, but also Hillmomba, there are going to be some changes. Well actually there is going to be only one change.... From now on, Sonic will no longer be serving Sonic Cherry Diet Coke. It is to be removed from all menus instantly. I know this is a low blow Hillbilly Mom, and it strikes at the heart of your country, but this is war, and you must be stopped. Have a nice day. All Sneeze Beclakia! Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/02/2006 05:43:00 pm 8 Wise Cracks

Consortium, stealing.

Hi Plastic Bags, and other non fossil fuel things. Well, I have been threatening this for a little while, so here is a bad way to start the new year. I've blanked out some of the numbers, because I don't want some international passport consortium, stealing my numbers and selling them on ebay. Maybe I should have saved time by just blanking out the face.

So there you go, if you were looking to start off the new year by having your stomach pumped, this is a good way to start. Blog Out HooRoo Rebecca

posted by Rebecca @ 1/01/2006 07:14:00 am 6 Wise Cracks