Pick a story Ver 2.0
Hi Shaved Silverside, and other non carved pickled meats.
Well after visiting Hillbilly Mom, well her blog at least, I've decided to regal you all with a story from my past, my working past that is, but which story?
So here is a list of the various jobs I have had in the past, that I can remember, so you all get to vote on which job I rant about. Because I have stolen this idea from Hillbilly Mom, she gets a double vote.
The list included:
- Abattior cleaner
- Hockey Coach
- Real Estate Sales
- Pizza Delivery
- Computer Parts Sales
- Cinematographer
- Actor
- 7-11 Attendant
- Audio Visual Technician
- Print Media Sales
- Radio Station Promo's/Runner
- "Assistant" Santa Claus
Well that will do for now, just a short list of some of the things I have done. I'll blog the answer in the next few days.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Non Ratings Season
Hi Bears, and other non hybernating creatures.
Well it has been a while since I blogged, I know, I checked the dates. I have a good reason though, it is the non ratings period here at the moment, you know the time when crap television is on, radio hosts go on a refresher break, and Rebecca stops ranting for a bit.
Since getting back from Perth, I have been enjoying my 3am starts at work. Yes I know I must be insane for ENJOYING 3am starts, but it suits me fine. I have no issue with going to bed at 5 or 6 in the afternoon, and then get up at 1:30 in the morning to go to work.
Today however was different, I had an 8am start, so a nice big sleep in was on the cards. So I set my alarm for 5:30am, after managing to stay awake until 8:30pm to watch Mythbusters.
When I woke up, the alrm had not gone off, this was because it was only 4am, but a good sleep in for me, so I set about getting up and doing some house work, while listening to the radio. I tuned into 774 ABC Melbourne, because I know their breakfast show starts about 5:30am, the time I should have been waking up, so I could start my get ready for work routine then. No need to tell me, I have a sick mind, and should get a life.
While getting ready for work, the quiz for the morning come on. Now the ABC have pretty crappy prizes, unless you are into ABC books, or music, but heck a win is a win. (Oh, for those of you who don't know the ABC is the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, aka the Federal Government)
So the question today was something about someone born on this day in the 1950's, in Paupa New Guinea, of Russian royalty. I had no idea, but I thought about a name that sounded kinda Russian, was kind of famous, was in the media of late, and so I called. Next thing I know, with the answer of Paul Grabowski, or some similar spelling, I had won the quiz! w00t for me, I could now wear my underpants on the outside, I was a WINNER!!!
The prize for being such a brainiac, I have no idea, but they are posting it out to me, and I will find out what it is shortly. What ever it is, who cares, I will milk it for all the blog entries I can.
In other news, finally I have a Court date set, for a hearing into access to my kids. After over a year of trying, it may finally be coming to an end, but I expect a long court battle ahead. As it happens, I will keep you all posted, I don't want to go into details here, incase my ex, or their lawyer reads this blog, except to say to the heavily pregnent lawyer of my ex, I HOPE YOUR KID HAS A HUGE HEAD, IS BREACH, AND HOLDS ON, ON THE WAY OUT.
The other thing I am looking into at the moment is moving house. I live too far out of the city at about 30km, so somewhere back to about the 8km mark would be nice. I've found quite a few places, but arranging inspections is hell. I can only wish all real estate agents I have dealt with in the last few weeks follow the example I have set for my ex's lawyer.
Anyway, enough for now, time to get on with reading other blogs I think.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Beclakia, Industries 2.0
All Sneeze Beclakia,
Following huge orders for our T-Shirts, which will now be used as a stop gap for the hole in the Ozone layer, we are proud to present our next two lines.
Firstly we have The Fitty, a t-shirt that will keep you as snug as a bug in a rug, or as bound in a barrel as a body can be:
Secondly we have the Anytime Andy. This design differs from our other offerings, in that it has a unique greenish colour to it. Really we must change the water, the algae level is getting too high:
Orders now being taken my the case, buy a dozen and get 4 cents a litre off petrol, only at particiating outlets.*
All Sneeze Beclakia,
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
*No outlets are part of this deal, it's a sham.
Must be careful what I say
Hi Kangaroo Paw, and other non fauna types.
Well I am here in Perth. The flight was pretty boring, until there was about an hour to go, and some girl decided to come down form her Ecstacy hit, which resulted in her yelling and screaming on the plane. We threw her out the window, good luck to her working the streets of Kalgoolie I say. But I digress.
To prove to everyone that I am actually in Perth, visiting Sophie, and not sitting at home spreading butter on my stomach, then soaing it up with waffles, here is a photo.
This was taken today at a place called Kings Park, shortly after I had spent the morning wiping butter on my stomach.....
Being here has been great. We haven't really done much, if any, of the tourist stuff. Today we spent a bit of time driving around the city, which I love. Perth is a we designed place, and very clean. If only they could pick it all up and move it closer to the eastern states, it might be a decent place.
OK, so it is now four hours later, and I have been released from the Emergency Department of the local hospital, I don't know where that broken bottle to the back of the head came from, but it certainly changed my view of Perth, which is perfect where it is, and a wonderful place. Excuse me while I look over my shoulder.
Anyway, this blog entry is pretty much crap, so I'll leave it here, and give you all the details when I get back home. I'm leaving here in about 36 hours, and I know I will miss it.
Blog Out, HooRoo, Bec
What was I thinking
Hi Tinted Windows, and other non heat reflecting devices.
Last night, late last night as I was getting annoyed about not being able to speak, I flipped out, but in a good way.
I was chatting to my great friend Sophie over in Perth. She was meant to be coming to Melbourne for some work next week, but it has been put on hold. This would have been the first time we had actually met, and we were both looking forward to it greatly.
To fill in the background a bit, I haven't known Sophie that long, a bit over a year actually, but she is special to me. You see, the last time I attempted suicide, I was really shunned by a lot of people, and there wasn't that much support to help me. I am very greatful for the help from the few people who did help me, it pulled me through. BUt Sophie was different.
Word got around on a couple of internet groups I was on at the time, and Sophie was someone fromone of those groups. Even though she is on the other side of the country, she took time out of her life to find out my phone number, and call me. When she called, I was deeply depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone at all. Most people were just, "this is what you have to do", "you think you have problems, I have problems", or "go get help". I wasn't interested in hearing that shit again and again.
Sophie on the other hand, didn't get pissed off with me when I said go away, she stood by me, and helped me out. While it might have just been internet chatting, or the occasional phone call, she has really helped me a lot with my life, which is something she didn't have to do.
So last night as I was chatting to her, and finding ut she wouldn't be coming over to Melbourne, I got onto the net, and booked a flight to Perth.
For the next few days, I will be enjoying the company of a great friend, and I couldn't be more excited. In fact I have hardly slept at all, and I am giddy and giggling all the time about doing this. To show just how important this journey is to me, I hate flying, and try to avoid it at all costs, but I have a few days off work, and this is well and truly worth it.
So until I return, there may not be much blogging going on here, but when I do return, oh the storys I will have to tell you all.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Shouldn't have gotten out of bed
Hi River Red Gums, and other non endangered trees.
It was one of those days, and still is. I don't know why I am blogging about it already, there is still 8 hours to go in it, anyway.
My morning started at 4:30am. It should have started 4am, but I slept in and missed out on my morning email check. After breakfast it was off to the shower, and to slap on the war paint for work. As I left I said "Goodbye", to Cow Two, and nothing happened, I had lost my voice, curse laryngitis. At this point in time, I'm still waiting for it to come back, here is hoping for tomrrow.
With that crisis over, I moved onto my next one. Closing the front door behind me, as I tried to lock it, I noticed that the lock was stuffed. I couldn't even get my key into the lock, so I did what any sane person would do, I forced the key into the lock. When it got half way, there was the familiar "Snap" sound that goes with moments like this. Thankfully I could use my spare keys to lock the door from the inside. After locking the back door, I was then faced with jumping over the fence to get out to my car. At this point in time, it will be a few days before the locksmith can get to this job. I'll stop commenting now, before I get angry.
Now in a rush to get to work, I managed to make it with about a minute to spare, just to find out my train has been cancelled, and I now get to sit around the station for the next four hours, waiting to run my next train.
On the way home, it was decided for me, to join a truck convoy, changing my normally 35minute drive, into an hour long slug fest of slow moving shit. Every time I got around one truck, there was another one. Arrrrgh.
I would have just called someone, or Road Raged to myself about this, but I can't talk, so my blog cops it instead.
I think I need some Chocolate.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Beclakia T-Shirts. New Lines!
All Sneeze Beclakia!
We are proud to present at the request of one of our buyers, namely Niggles, the new T-Shirt line called "The Huggies", we hope you enjoy.
Also for those of you in the field of Education, we have one we call our "Miss Ann".
Both of these T-Shirts come with a Money Back Offer. If you don't like the T-Shirt, We will gladly never offer your money back.
All Sneeze Beclakia!
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Beclakia, Industries
Hello fellow Beclakians,
Well our nation needs a primary industry, something that can bring much needed funds to our great nation.
We searched for oil, but all we found was this shiny yellow stuff, who would want that.
We tried farming sheep, but our only Ram defected and became the Romanian entrant for Eurovision 2005, I hear he is through to the semi finals now.
We tried to survive on tourism, but the "Hand Over Everything You Have" tax was not liked by travellers.
So instead, we have tapped into a market, which will see our nation prosper. An industry that has the name Beclakia stamped all over it, thanks to our graffiti vandals work for the nation plan.
Fellow Beclakians I bring you the Printed T-Shirt industry!
Our first production ir rolling off the production line as you read, and I am proud to announce it features one of our very own Beclakians. We are sure this is going to be one T-Shirt which is bigger than the Smiley Face design, and may even outsell Metallica T-Shirts. So with out further ado, I bring you......
You can order by the dozen, and this T-Shirt is made from quality material, which after days of wear as a T-Shirt, can be used as a handy rag.
All Sneeze Beclakia!
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
I'm not a crook
Hi Itty Bitty Bins, and other non icons of the 1980's.
I think I am in the clear now, the Police haven't been knocking on my door, no Private Investigators hanging around, no WANTED posters of me plasted anywhere. Yep, I think it is safe to tell you all what I did.
I broke my bed. No that is not the thing that is worrying, but it was the cause of the crime. Now before anyone get's started, it was not caused by any "action" in the bed, it was simply a matter of after 12 years, the slats in my bed gave up the ghost.
About six months ago, they started to creak, it was impossible to roll over in the bed without the sound of a jumbo jet landing in the room. It was also sagging into the middle, so that is where I spent most of my nights, afraid to move. So I did something about it, I moved to another bed, one of the single beds I have, and I only used the Saggy Baggy Creaky Bed when I had to use it.
Then last weekend, I finally got sick and tired of sleeping in a single bed, and decided to reclaim my bed, by replacing the slats. There was much Bob the Buildering to do.
So I went down to the local Hardware store, and purchased a measuring tape, this served three purposes.
- The ability to measure how big my bed was, so I knew how long the wood would have to be.
- To check out the prices of said wood, so I knew what I wanted when I went back, and didn't look like a desperate housewife, but someone who actually watches home improvement shows, and understands about wood.
- To measure just how big my feet actually are, so I could blog something on the weekend.
So with measuring tape in hand, I blogged, then measured the bed, then went down to the big chain hardware store further down the road, because the local one I got the measuring tape from was a bit of a rip off I though, regardless of the fact I had no idea what I was talking about.
At the, shall we call it "Big Hammer Store", or BHS, I had one of my finest moments. I saw a guy who looked like he knew what he was talking about, because he was carrying two measuring tapes, and asked about wood (The timber kind Andy.).
He worked out what I needed, and filled in a docket, showing I needed 10 pieces of said wood, so I could go and pay at the check out. While this was happening, he would cut the wood FOR FREE, instead of the usual $1 per cut fee. He was kind enough to do this because I was wise enough to ask the question "How do you get it to the right size.", in other words, playing dumb that I didn't know what a saw was.
Anyway, off to the check out I go, to make my purchase. While there some kid was screaming that he didn't want to leave the BHS, and I wasn't really paying attention to what was happeing at the check out, I just handed over my credit card, and signed where the X was. All in the self interest of getting away from that screaming kid, who was now screaming he wanted a
blue bucket, not a
red bucket.
So with receipt in hand, I went back the the Woodsman, loaded the ten pieces of wood in my car, and drove up to the checkpoint, so they could see I wasn't stealing anything.
I moved up to the gate slowly, the guard, I could tell this by the nailgun he carried, asked for my receipt, and checked the back of my car. After what seemed like ages, he handed back my receipt, and said I was free to go, yippee!
So I got home, and fixed my bed, and what a joy it was to lay on that bed and not hear a single sound as I rolled around, then it occurred to me, I better check to see how much I had actually paid, so I could transfer the money back into my credit account.
I looked at the piece of paper in total disbelief. The total price, for fixing my bed, and ending 6 months of terrilbe sleeping arrangements was $11. I had been so stingy not fixing my bed, for $11, that just didn't seem right, so I looked again, yep still $11.
Now to me this seemed a little cheap, was the wood going to rot with in 24 hours? Then I saw the reason for the low price, I had only been charged for
ONE piece of wood, not
TEN! w00t!
Nice going there, a 90% discount, I had ripped them off for $100, and I wasn't going to let them know.
I figure, at the end of the day, the kid on the check out stuffed up, the Checkpoint guy stuffed up, so I am going to take this win and run. Needless to say, I've been sleeping very well ever since.
So next time one of you goes into your hardward store, and you complain about the high prices, just remember, you're helping to pay for my bed, and I thankyou.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
I'm Hot!
Hi Grout, and other non tile sperating devices.
Well it is now official, I'm better looking that than 75% of other women on this planet. That means I rate in the top 75,000,000 most beautiful women in the world!
I know this because I was rated 7.5 on Hot Or Not, check it out for yourself: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=ELERKEO&key=DAQ
Now you can all go off to the site, vote a big fat 1 for me, and ruin my self esteem.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Still haven't found what you're looking for?
Hi Chocolate Bars, and other non Wonka stuff.
Well, Andy has put me, and many other bloggers onto the wonderful world of stats. So in a blatant rip off of his blog, here is my list of searched stuff, with my comments in brackets)
ZZr 1300 (Mmm, I want one now)
Azaria Chamberlin (My blog didn't take her, it was the dingo)
Cleo Centrefolds (Hey, there are no staples in my blog!)
Jemma Jamerson (Whoever the hell she is)
A Bull Named Daniel (Sorry, I only know one called Dave)
Slurry Pressure (Someone with too much time on their hands)
Communicative Ball Boys (Better than the ones that never call back)
Tallest Drunken Cyclist (I directed them to Mikey)
Skidmarked Boston Buns (OK, this one is just too sick)
Non-Latex Aliens (Check Area 51, three doors down to the left)
Waxed Possums (Who wants a hairy possum?)
Vegemite Flavoured Icypoles (Yummy, this is something I could go for)
XXX Circus (That's one trapezee act NOT for the kids)
Sundried Underwear (Much better than Oven Baked)
Spurlunkers with Naked Bums (One depth I wont be going to)
Stephen Hawkins Naked (What was that about Cleo Centrefolds?)
Tomato Laska (I might actually try this one)
Potassium Facial (Just add water)
Well that is just some of the list, the cleanish stuff at least. What I wonder is how the hell does google work out my site is the site for all this shit?
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
The hunt for big foot
Hi Ink Wells, and other non electronic writing devices.
Well there seems to be a lot of wondering about shoe sizes, so I went out and bought a measuring tape. To please everyone, I'm going to give plain measurements, and you can all work out your sizes from there. So here goes:
Length of foot: 279mm or 11 inches.
Width of foot: 108mm or 4 1/4 inches.
Hopefully now, I'll get a flood of people who can say what that means sizwe wize in their country. Or the other alternative is to send me lots of shoes, hopefully in pairs, and of matching colour.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
World Leader
Well, I took this one from Bert's site.
All I can say is, at least I have better dress sense.
On with the show Vol.2
Hi Facial Tissues, and other non absorbent papers.
Well it has been a while since I blogged, three days in fact. Now it seems like a lot longer, and for me, I feel like I have let my reading public down. Regular blogging is like producing a television show, just you don't have to deal with talent, which is why my blog is so poor, but enough about that.
Now that I have started typing, I've forgotten what I was going to blog about, so I'll come back to this post later.
OK, so now it is much later. Saturday Morning to be exact, and I have remembered what I was going to blog about, but not what I was going to say about it. But I'll give it a go. I'm sorry it took soo long to get back to blogging, a week is a long time with out blogs for me, but I wont go into the reasons for it.
I have a hole in my head. Nothing unusual about that I hear you say, everyone has a mouth, a nose, ear's, that kind of thing. No, I have an extra hole, well not exactually a hole, it is more like a divot, and it is not really seeable with the naked eye.
It is on my forehead, just to the right of centre, it came about many years ago, in my teen years........[Insert Harp Music, and Dream Sequence Now]
As a teenager, I was quite lucky, I didn't suffer from too many pimples. Sure I got them, it was a part of growing up. Given I still get them occasionally, well I guess I just haven't grown up yet. For me, I didn't get those weepy puss filled mammoth pimples, that seem to take over an entire face (good morning to anyone who is reading this while eating breakfast), I seemed to always get the blind pimples. The kind of pimple that you know is there, is full off puss, but is that deep under the skin, it can't make it's own way to the top. These pimples seemed to like unusual places, the edge of my nose between the eyeball and nose, upper lip, where you could feel them every time you moved your mouth, and the worst place of all, my ears. Oh those ones hurt the worst.
One morning, as I did the daily mirror check for pimples, I noticed a nice big beeming one on my forehead. This was prime real estate in the pimple world. Great location for squeezing, well away from any nerve endings, close to the surface, full of pussy potential. It was mine, I had to have it. I looked closerin the mirror, seaching for the ideal exit point for the puss, so I could get my fingers either side of the golden beauty and squeeze the life out of it, eureka, I've got you now.
It all happened in slow motion, as I pushed on that pimple, you could see the puss inside swirling around, fighting the urge to spring forth, and then...... POP! It actually made a loud poping sound, and out came the puss. The head of the pimple went flying across the room, and landed on the mirror, holding briefly before sliding down to it's horrible death, but that wasn't the end of it, no, I kept squeezing, and more puss came out, and more, and more, and more. It was a never ending river. I stopped, took a breath, wiped away the puss, and there was still more, so I went in for the second wave of the attack, even more puss came out than had happend the first time. I'd hit the gold mine! I knew this pimple was the mother pimple. With this one gone, no other pimple could be born, their Queen would be dead, I would be free of my pizza face.
The second wave of attack ended, but a third was needed, just to make sure it was all gone, making sure I got to the point where blood started to flow. Around the edge of the pimple, it looked loike a war zone, blood and muck eveywhere, the damage was done, I had won the battle. Pleased with myself, I headed off to school, proudly showing the middle of my head, where the red mark of victory remained.
The next day, the uprising of the Pimple's Underground Army began. It turned out I had only wonded the Queen Pimple, she was back, and ready to fight. Partly under the scab that had formed, she was gathering forces to overtake my entire face, something had to be done. I called in the special forces, and operation Tweezers began. This time, my attack caught the pimple off guard, it wasn't ready for such a large scale attack, and it's PUA was short lived.
The next week, after the rebuilding works had taken place, I saw a monument to this bloody battle, something that would live with me for the rest of my life. A lone hole, or trench if you like, reminding me of that battle. Lest We Forget, but we are sure glad for make up.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
