Another Law from the Land of Beclakia
Hi Beclakians the world over.
Something happened the other day. I realised how much of a waste some people are in society particularly those who want to give a half arsed effort to mobility.
Now this is in no way a go at people in wheelchairs. I've spent time in one myself, and it is a shit of a way to live, I was lucky, a lot of other people are not, I have nothing wrong with these people.
The ones I am talking about are those with those walking frames, and those who get about in electic chairs, because they are too lazy to just get fit. I think we should put these people to work, and I have found the perfect way.
Depending on the mode of assistance they feel they need, depends on the community service work they will do. I have divided things into three catagories:
- 1. Walking Frame: People using these will now find they have been fitted with a small rotating blade. AS they shuffle along, keeping a nice straight line as they walk, they will be required to trim the edges of lawns, helping to keep the nation nice and clean.
- 2. Three Wheel Chairs: These people will have thier electric chairs fitted with mower blades, this helps in two ways. One; They keep the grass mowed. Two; they keep off the footpath for those of us who actually need it, that way they stop eing a hazard.
- 3. Four Wheel Chairs: These chairs will be fitted with brooms, and will replace all street sweepers, they will go around picking up all the loose grass clippings, and general rubbish that makes it's way into our gutters.
These simple laws will make it easier for all of us to enjoy our lives, and keep the nation beautiful.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Where's the logic?
Hi Builders White, and other non unspecific paint colours.
I wasn't going to blog tonight. I was just going to kick back and relax, then do some typing tomorrow, but an issue got the better of me.
Before we get to that, the Photo of me at Spencer Street needs explaining. I'm not actually going anywhere. I was seeing a friend off on the train, because the court order said I had to. She wanted a photo of me, so she could show her sister what I looked like, why she didn't just give her the link to this page I don't know, but so be her desire to look like a Japanese tourist.
Given she would be reading this by now, I hope you have solved the problem of sand in your bathers, by not wearing any.
So, onto this blog. I was having the night off from blogging, because I was doing some shoe shopping. A simple task for most people, just go into a shop and buy a pair of shoes, not simple for me. It is not that I have a shopping phobia, quite the opposite. The issue I have with shoe shopping is the size of the shoes. I am a size 13, depending on the make. For some reason, shoe makers the world over seem to think that womens foot sizes stop at 10. They must have some logic that if our feet were any bigger, we wouldn't be able to stand close enough to the stove.
Now I can get shoes, heck I haven't been walking around bare footed for the last 15 years since I got these flippers, but for me, a pair of shoes costs about $200 for a nice pair, on special they set me back about $125. Where is the $15 clearance stock for me? Curse you size 7 people, CURSE YOU!
So every now and then, I go ebaying, or look online and find heaps of shoes in my size, but think about this for a minute. I am over six foot tall, I have a large foot. So why the hell would I want a 4-6 inch heel on any pair of shoes I find? Why would I want the only material to be PVC? Why would I want said shoes to be 'sexy' shiney black or red only? I want shoes I can buy milk in, not whip someone in a bedroom while calling them Gimp!
The other thing that happens, is I go into a shoe store that proudly advertises "We Stock Ladies Large Sizes". I am very pleasant and ask for their size 13. The answer always comes, We have a few shoes that are size ten, would you like to try those? Mmmm, let me think about it? NO, NO, [insert nasty word] NO! If I was a size 7 and asked for a 7, would you tell me you have some size 4? No. Stop trying to get a sale, and simply say, no we don't have that size. Then as I politely walk from your shoe, I can set fire to it, starting with your "Large Sizes" sign.
Starting next week, I think I will cut off my toes, then I might be able to squeaze into a size 10.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Becking About
Hi Castle Towers, and other non crappy shopping centres
Well I got sick of dreaming about having an elephant in my backyard, who kept breaking my hammock, when it used it as a G-String while pole dancing at a club on weekends. Or dreaming of replacing the tap washers in a primary school. Really I should get out more, and stop thinking of such things.
Speaking of getting out, here is a photo of me out and about. It was taken a few days ago, so I'm going to open it up to two competitions. The winners win a holiday in Beclakia, all expenses paid (by you).
Comp One: Guess where I am going.
Comp Two: Funny caption time, come on, this is open to some witty stuff.
The other thing I am hoping for with this picture is Bert will finally see that yes I am really over 6 foot tall, but I am not going to go into or get out of the shower for him to see.
Actually the other thing I notice with this photo, is I really have to lose weight. Better get down the gym.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Beclakia, Birth of a Nation
Hi Beclakians the world over, you go girl.
Well it looks like Hillbilly Mom, has decided to take over as much of Beclakia as possible. Well that is good, we need an opposition political party, except she doesn't want to be in opposition. So here it goes HBM:
You run the nation Mondays-Wednesdays, I'll take Thursdays through to Saturdays, and we will alternate Sundays.
This way we save on elections, and each party get's to put their bills through parliment.
For those of you who are unaware of the work Hillbilly Mom has put into this nation, just check out her blog, and see the education system she has set up. Speaking of services such as health, education, hospitals, the was an enquiry about how much taxes are in Beclakia. Well there are no taxes, we don't need them. All government controlled services can be obtained from vending machines. So if you are suffering from a heart attack, and need a corinary bypass, just head on down to your local vending machine, insert correct change, press the right button, and out pops a new heart. What could be simplier. The best part is, if the machine was jammed up from the previous user, you may also get a choclate bar too, although given you r current health, you may not want to eat that straight away.
In other news, I am now proud to present the flag of the Nation of Beclakia, drum roll please.
Now for a bit of the history of the flag. This is the only flag in the world that has a stipple around the images on the flag, giving them that nice outer glow. The green background represents a nice colour difference between the cheese and the hammer, making them stand out more. The cheese represents the fine craftsmanship of our nation, hence all the holes in it. The hammer represents what we use to try and break up the cheese for consumption, given the craftsmanship. All Beclakians can proudly look up at this flag as it flutters in the wind and say "Yuck, a bird just crapped in my eye!"
Now if anyone else would like to know about any of the laws for Beclakia, just leave a comment, and we will vend something your way.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Bring it on home to me, yeah, [yeah], yeah....
Hi 4/4 Accent on the Third, and other non musical terms.
Ok, so I live on my own, I know that, you all know that, if you didn't know already, no need to advertise the fact. There is no significant other in my life, no one to warm my bed, and thankfully no one to give me a Dutch Oven when I sleep in on a cold winter's day.
So why is it some people feel the need to drive it home, that you are on your own? What I am talking about is invitations. You know those things that you get all excited about, until you read them, and see those two special words "and Guest".
At that moment in time, instead of this being a special occasion for someone else, it turns into a stab in the heart for you. Someone who thinks dearly of you, finds you important, wants you to share a special occasion with you, thinks that it is ok if you bring someone along, doesn't matter who, just someone. What they are saying is "We sort of have to invite you, but we don't really know you, so it might be a good idea if you bring someone with you, so you have someone to talk to, because really, at the end of the day, we don't really want you here."
Now, I am not being shitty about things, I'm just telling it like it is. You see the other day I got a letter from the Blood Bank, well not so much a letter, more of an invitation. You see, I recently donated blood, well more precisely plasma, for the 150th time. For this I get a nice little medal, made of silver, with 150 written all over it. On the invitation it had written just like this:
REBECCA EDWARDS & guest
We invite you for a two hour event, with supper provided. If you can not attend this function, we will mail your award to you.
Now hang on a second, see what they have tacked onto the end? & guest. It isn't even in the same size font, and they didn't even bother to use the whole word 'and' just that stupid symbol that looks a bit like the San Serif version of what Prince called himself for a while! To top it all off, they don't really want me there, they just felt like the had to invite me, but heck, they are happy to save on the cucumber sandwiches, and just mail the dang thing out to me.
So instead, what I am going to do, is attend, and I am taking a heap of people with me, not just one guest, but many. When they call me to find out if I am attending, I'm going to say sure, and I have a guest. When they ask "Who?" I'll simply say, "The Beclakia Olympic team, all 1743 athletes."
I hope they make enough sandwiches, or there will be trouble!
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Nation of Beclakia (Updated)
Hi Wrist Watch, and other no lispy words.
Well I decided while having my morning shower, to start my on nation. I knew I had a short shift today at work, and I needed something to fill in the afternoon, so I am building my own country.
Now I haven't decided where to base this country yet, rental prices are quite high for property in my preferred area right now, so I might have to wait, but that wont stop me from making a few laws.
After the shower, I dried myself, then held the elections. For some reason, I couldn't get the chad to press out right on my voting card, so that was a informal vote, but I still won the election to be the first President of Beclakia, then I remembered to dry between my toes.
Currency was the first bill to put through parliment. I decided to base the Quimble (our version of the dollar) on world oil prices. Because of that, one Quimble is equal to about US$65, not a bad starting rate, it also means petrol is quite cheap for us Beclakians. A version of cents was voted against. Therefore all prices will be rounded up to the next Quimble. Sure getting a Sonic Diet Cola with a Cherry will be expensive, but Cars are very cheap to buy. It all works ou tin the end.
A national dialect was decided, and English lost. Instead, it will be a mix of Beat Poetry, Horse Race calling, and Oprah Winfrey. This will confuse vistors to the country, but it means we can poke fun at them, behind their back, or even straight to their faces. After the dialect was decided, a national anthem was written, it goes a little bit like this:
Here in our land of Cheese and Grout,
We deck the halls with bells and sand.
Hey, where is my coffee I ordered,
Ooooh, nice buttons.
You've dialled the wrong fish,
Don't go there girlfriend,
Go you good thing,
Welcome to our tree.
Now I know it may not make much sense, but this is part of our ploy for the Olympic Games. It wont matter what national anthem is being played, if we sing this, our teams will look like we have one every event when our athletes take to the podium, after kidnapping the real winners.
Our court system will be the the most efficient in the world, with all cases decided by a game of Paper, Rock, Scissors. If someone loses their case, they can appeal the decision, by challenging to a best out of three decider.
Well that is about all for now from the Nation of Beclakia, we'll keep you informed as more information comes to hand.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
National Update:
Hillbilly Mom has asked about immigrating to the Nation of Beclakia.
Anyone is welcome to migrate here, but you will have to take out citizenship. Right now we have a deal on Dual Citizenship, get one Citizenship for yourself, and we will throw in a second one for free! Great for opening Swiss Bank accounts, fake drivers licences, and convincing your Grandmother there is an extra person in the family, requiring birthday presents.
Hillbilly Mom, has also been elected to parliment, as the Minister of Small Business, and the Minister of Transport, so look out for mobile Sonic Vans hitting the streets soon.
Answering the call
Hi Ecoplasma, and other non biological things.
Recently the ever popular Hillbilly Mom, embarrassed herself by saying she like to sing along to the stereo in the car. You can read about it all on her blog, Redneck Review.
So I set the challenge to her, give me any song at all, and I will sing it.
I am now proud to say, that I have met her challenge, face on, and failed to the highest nth degree. In other words I really sucked! There is no way I would make the final 3 million of Pop Idol with this effort.
Compliments should go out to Hillbilly Mom, who did her research, and came up with a very, very hard showtune, from the film Norma Rae. It is a kind of country ballard, in a key I can not hit, but she didn't just go for any part of the song, she went for the powerful second verse.
I'm quite happy to say, I haven't done any singing for about two years, and the old vocal chords are not what they use to be, but I am not making excuses. Recording this into the webcam on my computer, this is me, in the raw, vocal wise. In the raw flesh wise, is something I will never put you all through. It took me no less than 20 tries to get it to sound this average, and it is shockingly bad. Great effort Hillbilly Mom, my hat goes off to you for setting the standard so high. Oh and if you are wondering what the tappng is you can hear, being a showtune, the tempo changes as much as the pitch, so I had to tap along with the drumsticks to get the beat right, which also showed me just how bad my drumming has become.
So I guess now, you all want to hear what the pathetic effort sounds like. Well if you have a spare 500kb to waste, just click on the link below.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Hey Four Eyes!
Hi Two Bob Watches, and other non Bali purchased items.
I'm just going to come out and say it. No holding me back, you can't stop me from doing it. I've had enough of this crap, and it has to stop now. For too long it's been going on, and I have had enough. It is just wrong, wrong, WRONG! So listen up everyone, and damn well make it so.
PEOPLE WHO WEAR GLASSES, SHOULD HAVE TO DO IT EVERY WAKING MOMENT!
There I said it. I've had enough of this crap people. It has to stop.
So why am I so pissed off I hear you say? Well think about it for a minute. These people waste so much time, getting their glasses out, putting them on, taking them off, having to clean them, because the dog has licked them, then putting them back on, then taking them off a few seconds later, because they have to change their depth of focus, because someone said something to them. They lose their glasses, they complain about not being able to see something, because they haven't got their glasses on them. They don't let people take a photo of them, because they are wearing their glasses. I've had enough, and it has to stop.
From now on, if you wear glasses, you should have to wear them all the time. If your vision is not that bad, that you don't need them for say driving, then you should have laser eye un-correction, which would have to be a lot easier than correcting them. All you would have to do, is stand in front of the laser at a rave party for a few minutes, and BAM! Permeant eye damage! Then you wouldn't have to worry about finding your glasses all the time, they would be on your face. Don't worry about the fact you now have a seeing eye dog to also deal with, at least they come to you when you whistle.
Now wait a minute, I hear you say. I'm sure I've seen YOU wear glasses Rebecca. Yes, that's true, and here is a photo to prove it:
Now please excuse the fact this photo was taken before my hair had style, that is not the issue here, glasses are the issue.
This morning when I woke up, my eyes decided, nice day, no glasses needed....yet. I went about my business, then sat down to blog, and what do you know, after just 3 nanoseconds, glasses needed. Suddenly the whole world was out of focus, which doesn't help when you are trying to find your glasses.
Here in lies the root of this problem, finding your glasses. I've tried putting them down in the same spot all the time, but it never happens. If I did that, it would mean having to drive half an hour to home each time, from work, just to put my glasses down in the same spot. I'd get back to work, only to find, I have to go back home, to get my glasses again. Sure it means I get out of a lot of productivity at work, but think of the running costs on my car.
I've tried the "two pairs of glasses" trick, in fact I own three pairs of glasses, but still, I can't find them. Which is why, if they can correct someone's vision in a multitude of ways, surely the can un correct them too, just put the battery in the machine the other way around, it worked for Bugs Bunny, therefore it is possible.
Each morning, it is a search for me, to find my glasses, because I have a sleeping issue. For about half an hour, before I actually go to sleep, I'm in this kind of twilight zone, where anything can happen, so my glasses end up anywhere in the house. I've found them in the fridge, inside my pillow case, out in the car, in the cereal box, you name it, I've pretty much put them there, excluding all body cavities, and I am not going to try putting them there.
The problem with my vision, is I have stigmatation in both eyes, to different levels, and I am long sighted. So seeing things which are far away is fine, put something in front of my face, and I wouldn't know what it is, sometimes, and it is that sometimes, which is the issue. I have days, where all the planets line up, all the canines on earth fart in unison, and all the French people are nice, where I can see perfectly well with out my glasses. Then there are the days where I have no idea what I am looking at, even with my glasses on. All I want is the besst of both worlds, or at least for the two worlds to actually look like the one they are meant to be, so I don't have double vision.
So next time you see me, poke me in the eye with a blunt tricycle, then hit the recall button for the homing device I've now fitted to my glasses.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Sunday Cartoon
Hi Blades of Grass, and other non greeness of home,
Well it is time for the Sunday cartoons again.
This one required a lot of explaining when it was first published. Even when it was explained, people still didn't get it. I hope comic readers intelligence has improved over the last ten years.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Oh what a Night!
Hi Dustmites, and other non Godzilla like beasts,
Well, what a night I had last night. It all started about 1:30 in the afternoon.
There I was, getting a lift home from work. Now my options were, catch a train, which is free, for 52mins to the nearest station, then walk the 20mins to my house, or get a lift home with someone, right to my front door, total time 35mins. I went with the latter option.
Now I am not someone who makes a very good passenger. It is not that I am some kind of backseat driver, radio hog, or Silent But Deadly farter, it is because I get motion sickness.
For me, I have to be in control, there are very few people whom I can ride in a car with, in fact there is two, and not get the feeling of sickness. I'm not talking about being slightly ill here, I am talking about total loss of body control, lots of vomiting, lots of bowel movements, lots of general nastiness.
So there I was, getting a lift home, and about 5km from my house, the sensation of motion sickness was hitting, and hitting hard. I wound down the window, asked the driver to slow down a little, even though he was below the speed limit already.
We managed to get to my house, I jumped out of the car, as quick as I could, and went all wobbly in the knees, over I go. I get up, very dizzy, and walk to my front door. All I wanted to do, was to get inside and sleep, hoping to ease the pain.
I put the key into the front door, and then it happened, I threw up all over my own front door. Now this wasn't just a little spew, I'm talking like from the scene in Team America where he leaves the bar and throws up, then nearly drowns in the pool of green pea soup.
So there was my front door freshly painted, and as always happens when I vomit, I got a blood nose, so here I am, trying to get through my front door, with a dripping nose, when I have to, no exceptions, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, have to get to the toilet. The worst part is, my front door is still locked!
Forty minutes later, I am finished on the toilet, my nose has stopped bleeding, but my door is still covered in you know what, and that needs cleaning. Even today, I am still getting that horrible taste in my mouth, as I am sure many of you who have managed to read this far are getting as well.
So at three o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, I went to bed. A good nap was the order of the day, a chance to clear the mind, and then have an enjoyable evening. Of course, these things never go to plan, what started off as a simple nap, turned into a slightly bigger sleep. Here I am eight o'clock the next morning, having just woken up, blogging about my experience. That is one hell of a sleep, and I'm still feeling like crap.
Oh well, I think I might head off to bed for a while, see you all in a week.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Snow Season 10
Hi Voltage Rock and Roll, and other non really bad song lyric puns,
Well in honour of a fellow blogger, who is having a special occassion this Sunday, I'm proud to present to you all, yet another, all exciting adventure of:
BOB AND CARL, SNOWMEN.
Congrats
Andy, have a good one.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Getting jiggy with HTML
Hi Regular users, and other non petrolium fuels.
Well I've been jigging about with HTML, trying to get my links to the bestest bunch of bloggers in the world, to look a bit different.
Basically I hate scrolling down the page for each link, so I am trying to get them to be side-by-side.
What I am wondering, is, does it actually work on other peoples computers? I still have to get things to ling up right, but as a sample, I've jigged a couple of the links.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Time for a Rant
Hi H2O users, and other non fluid types.
Well this blog isn't called Rants of a Rebecca for nothing. Sure I try to keep things fun and light hearted. No mentions about Big Blogger ok, we know it was a disaster, so I've shelved the plans for Blogger Idol.
But every now and then, I need a rant, and that is what I am here for today. So sit back, relax, and read while I waffle on.
The world's tallest woman is Sandy Allen. She stands anamazing 7' 7/14" tall. That is one woman who would have no hassles getting something off the top shelf. In the world, about 2 percent of all women are over six foot tall, so that is about 130,000 of us all up.
Now I am hardly a giant at 6'2", but I can't really get a job as a jockey either. For some reason tonight, while I was down at the supermarket, it was like there was a special on freak-shows, and I was the best selling item! At this point in time, I would like to point out a few things for all the vertically challenged people out there:
- Climatic change does not occur in a 1-2 foot variance. So don't ask me how the weather is up there.
- I know, I am tall. I have seen myself in a mirror.
- If you want something from the top shelf, get the dang thing yourself, I'm hear to shop as well. You don't hear me asking you to get me things from the bottom shelf.
- It is not great to be this tall, it is a F*(&ing nuisance!
- I DO NOT play basketball, never have.
- I don't need you to stand next to me and giggle as you compare heights, you're short
Being tall does have some advantages, but not many. I suffer from poor circulation because of my height. Clothes are always too short, so I can't just go out and buy what I want. Nothing is made for people over 5'8". Benches are too short, shopping trolleys are too short, beds are too short, doorways are too short, everything in this world is designed for midgets. Heck I can't even get a pair of shoes from a "normal" shop, because they only go up to a size ten, and I'm a size thirteen.
So the next time you see someone who is taller than you, spare a thought for them, we would do the same, but we can't see you all the way down there.
Who is the brainiac that decided that Aloe Vera should be contained in every single product that comes in contact with your skin?
I get eczema, not badly, but enough to be annoying. So I decided to get some relief for it, as my last pack of gel ran out about six months ago. As I said, it is not too bad for me. So while I was down at the supermarket, putting on my above mentioned freak show, I grabbed a packet of Eczema Ease, only to find it now comes with soothing Aloe Vera. Bugger. I look around to find another brand, with out Aloe Vera, but nooooo, that would be impossible. Why does this annoy me, you ask? Well I am allergic to Aloe Vera. It burns my skin, and leaves me with red marks, which can last for days. So much for it's all soothing properties! This crap is is in every bloody thing you buy these days.
I looked around, and found it is now included in items such as:
- Toilet Paper
- Tissues
- Shampoo
- Razor Blades
- Soap
- Make Up
- Sun Screen
- Sun Burn Cream
- Band-Aids
- Panty Hose
- Drinks
Can someone please put out some products that don't have Aloe Vera in them? I'm sure I am not the only person in the world with this problem. Heck all I want to do is blow my nose, have a drink, then go to toilet, wash my hands, shave my armpits, put a band-aid on the cut, apply some make up and sun screen, then put some sun burn cream on the spot I missed yesterday, and wear a pair of panty hose that match my skirt, WITHOUT breaking out into an itchy, burny, bloated, red blimp!
Can people learn what ASEXUAL is please. Not a hard word to learn, and it is ok to say it, it is not that naughty.
For those of you who don't know, dictionary.com lists Asexual as: Lacking interest in or desire for sex.
That is pretty simple, in other words, I'm not interested in your bedroom activities.
My reason for asking this, is quite simple. As some of you know, I've been through a lot of shit in the last couple of years. For this, I am in a support group, which is mainly women, but there are some guys there. People here are of all sexual persuasions, whatever floats their boat, is fine with me, but I have no interest in joining them.
Now this group meeting today had about a dozen women and three guys there. Two of the women, and two of the guys there, I had never met before. Now I was only there for two hours, and in that time, all four of these people tried hitting on me. Not only that, but two people who I had previously said "Not in your wildest dreams" too, also tried hitting on me again. That is someone every twenty minutes!
One of the women who had hit on me before, is already in a relationship with another woman. Again she wanted me to join her and have some "fun". The conversation went along the lines of (fake names used):
Joan: So Bec, when are you going to join Ruth and I for some fun? We've been looking forward to it for some time, but you never return my calls.
Bec: Joan, as I have said to you before, I am not interested in doing that ever. You two can have as much fun as you like, and I am happy you have found someone. But I will never join you.
Joan: But why not, it would be fun.
Bec: I'm asexual, and that kind of thing doesn't interest me.
Joan: But so am I, I don't like men either, only women.
Bec: Ahh, no, your a lesbian. To be asexual means no sexual desire. Nothing at all, not with women, not with men, not with animals, not with seaweed, nothing, zip, nah-nah, no interest whatsoever.
Joan: But it is fun, especially flirting. I was playing pool the other week, in a pair of 4 inch heels, and a few people mentioned the could see I was wearing a G-String as I played my shot.
Bec: Joan, if that floats your boat, go for it, enjoy it. But I don't want to hear about it ever! I find it disgusting, and it makes me sick. Now if you want to talk about something, how about getting your mind out of the gutter. I don't want to hear about it.
Joan: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe if you joined me sometime, you could see just how much fun you could have.
ARRRRRRRRRRGH!
My point here is, there are nymphomaniacs at one end of the scale, and there are asexual people at the other end, and everything in between. So go out and enjoy what you do to yourself, and with others, but when you hear someone say, not interested, CHANGE SUBJECT!
Well that just about does it for me for tonight. I'll make sure my next blog entry is back to fun stuff. I needed my vent, and it felt good to do it.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
Comics continued again
Hi Brown Paper Packages, and other non favourite things.
Well it is time for some more weekend comic relief. Recently there has been a lot of posts about cats, from my fellow bloggers. So I am continuing the theme. Last week, Hillbilly Mom, made comment that her Cat would like to eat one of the birds from the comic. Here is my reply, which was actually drawn 13 years ago. You have now entered the Twilight Zone, creepy!
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
One week at a time
Hi Ghost Gums, and other non evergreen trees,
Well it has been a bit of a slow week for me post wise. The reason is, nothing much is happening in my life, except work. Starting at 3am, gives me the freedom during the day to do as I please. As nice as this would be, my time has been taken up with appointments, and nothing fun. About the most exciting thing was reading Parilmentry Bills from 1887-1907, while waiting for an appointment that was pushed back by 3 hours.
One thing that has happened is a change in medication for me. Now before the jokes and smartarse comments appear, I'm on a couple of things to help even out a chemical imbalance. With out it, I become very shitty, very tired. Now I use to get this as a tablet, but after a year, the effect was wearing off, so I change over to injections. The injection every couple of weeks, worked well, for six months, but my body has gotten use to and I am getting cranky again. Also my bum was sick of getting jabbed every two weeks, I really hate needles.
So, anyway, my doctor says I can go back onto the tablet I was on, or try a different tablet, so I decided to try the red tablet, instead of the beige one I was on. The main difference now is I also take another type of tablet too, and after that extremely long and boring explaination, here is the reason for this blog.
I generally don't take tablets with anything to drink, for some reason I find that harder than just swallowing them dry. Now as we all know, tablets taste like crap (not specific crap, just general crap), they leave a yucky taste in your mouth that nothing will get rid of, and this taste lingers with you all day. Then about 2 minutes before you take the next tablet, the taste of the first one goes away. I am sure this is what the pharmaceutical comapnies really spend millions on research to find out.
This new tablet, is about 10mm in size, not a tiny little pill by any means, so I wasn't overly looking forward to taking it, but it is better than "Sitty Becky", so down the hatch.
WHAT A SHOCK I WAS IN FOR!
This new tablet, was a pleasent spearmint taste. It was like having a breath mint, not a tablet. The taste was so good, I wanted to take another one, and another, and another, but curse, I'm limited to one a day. I now look forward to taking this tablet. Because it has to be taken after food, I'm using it as my after dinner mint.
The other thing about this tablet is it came with a warning. "May cause drowsiness in some people, do not operate machinary if this happens"
Mmm, machinary, that is quite a broad term. What the hell do they class as machinary? Doing up your shoelaces could be classed as operating machinary. Floating about in Space to take a lego block out of the bottom of a space shuttle could be classed as operating machinary. Playing a Playstation 2, which I am hoping someone will buy for me, could be classed as operating machinary.
Given I drive trains that weigh about 260 ton, I'm curious if they class that as operating machinary. Well if they do, I don't care, I'm not going to let a silly little table get in the way of me doing my job. But I will err on the side of caution and put in a requisition for a pair of pull on boots, after all, I don't want to fall asleep doing up my shoelaces, and end up missing my train.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
I've been tagged, and bitchslapped!
Hi Arsehole on the Platform at Clayton today, and other non spitting 50 year olds.
Well it looks like I have a bit of explaining to do, primarily about my answers from being tagged, so here goes.
Mr Huggies said "Lego Kicks Ass." Yes it does, very much so. If only I had taken a photo of the trams I built with lego, before my kids destroyed them. One day I may rebuild, you never know.
Sheriff of Nothing said "Nice one on ending the pyramid". Mmm, not sure if she means in a good way, or a bad way, so I will answer both.
Good: Yes, I know, my answers are all defining, and can't be beat. Anyone looking for the meaning of life, need look no further.
Bad: Screw you!
Clokeeeey! Was a bit confused. Just so you know, it is the frozen ice version, not the band, as good as "I'm alone with you" was as a single. By the way Clokeeeey, I think the brothers would have been better off playing at Richmond, less exposure.
Bert Ford, really wanted answers, and the truth kind! So here goes Bert:
1. Smoking, I've never seen the point in paying a multinational company to kill yourself. I offer a service which is half the price, and over in an instant. It will save people years of pain, and standing outside fouling up the air. For any smokers who have a problem with this, it is simple. Smoke as much as you like, just never exhale.
2. As for alcohol, I don't have an issue with people drinking, I just find the smell of it really bad, and too often it is used as an excuse for people to be total shitheads. I just choose to never drink the stuff myself, and I don't think I am missing out. That point aside, if I am ever down the pub, I will shout my round, just like everyone else, but I'll be drinking lemon squash.
3. Fare Evaders, it's not so much that they don't pay their way, just the attitude that goes with it. Grow up scum, no-one owes you anything in this world, you are just too lazy to do your bit for yourself, not just for buying a ticket, but for life in general. In Melbourne we have a hugh problem with fare evasion on public transport, some estimate that it runs at about 90%. Whenever they try to do something about it, the inspectors get bashed, and then blamed by the media for the problem.
4. Red is a problem, in two ways. It looks good on me, which is a curse, but heck I will still wear it. Also when I was just starting out in my Television career, we had to avoid red, because of how much it bled with the tube camera's. Also I find that if you are using the colour for graphic design, if you don't use the right shade of red, it either dominates too much and looks out of place, or looks too faded, and dulls the entire image.
5. Cars without numberplates. I don't know where this one comes from, but it is a real fear for me. For some reason, I think the people who drive these are either going to rob a bank, ram my car, or ram my car, with a bank. Either way, I just don't like them, it also looks weird.
6. The number 11 thing on my good list was Pepsi, I'm not a coca-cola girl. I find coke too sugary, and that pepsi has a better cola taste. Mind you, all the recent talk about Mountain Dew, has me annoyed we can't get it here in Australia anymore, well I haven't sen it at all.
7. Mushrooms are something that I am allergic to, so much so, that if I ate them, I would need an ambulance to me very quickly. At the moment all the food buffs seem to think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Hey fools, have a look at your food allergy list, Mushrooms are in the top five, so give us something with out them in it, ok?
8. The only reason I have an issue with telemarketers, is they seem to think two things. One, 8am or 8pm is the idea time to call anyone, especially those who are shift workers, who go to bed at 4am or 6pm. Give me some sleep bastards. Two, if you inform them that your number is not to be called ever again, and to be taken off their lists, they never do this. If I want to change to a different electricity company, I'll damn well do it myself, not because someone calls to say "Would you like fries with that?" Ooooh, I'm getting bitchy now.
9. As for personal space invaders, I am currently working on a PSI proof jacket. If someone invades your personal space, simply press the button, and the jaket inflates with sharp spikes, forcing people to stay away. If they were already standing too close, then they loose an eye. I expect it to be on the shelves for Christmas, and more popular that Tickle Me Elmo, and Buzz Lightyear combined.
10. When it comes to Bigots, I see the humourous potential, I use it all the time, but it wears you done when you do it at every station. Closing the doors before they are all on the train can be fun, but I only do this when they can't use simple mathamatics. For example, there are 12-18 doors on the side of a train, if there are 24 people to get on a train, why all stand at the same door? SPREAD OUT! Now if people can't work this out for themselves, I give them a lesson in waiting 20 minutes for the next train. Given they are mostlikely fare evaders anyway, I don't have a problem with this.
Phew, what a series of answers, now onto the Turn Ons for you Bert.
1. My Kids. Nothing is better than my kids, I love them dearly, it will be great when I see them again, the court papers should be lodged by the end of the week, just got a couple of points to iron out on the 58 page document.
2. It is the game of cricket. However I like the pure form, for me there is nothing better than a Test match over five days. To have a game end in a thrilling draw, or even better a thrilling tie, is great.
3. There are a lot of people who don't accept me for being me. I'm not looking to be liked by everyone, I'm not that vain, despite my online persona (which by the way, is not too far off the real me, just with soother edges and better links.). My problem is there are a lot of people out there who want to hurt me, either mentally or physically, just because of who I am. It is not something I really want to blog about, as I don't really see a need too, I'm just trying to get on with my life. My issue is with people who make an assumption on a single thing, and curse you for that. It would be like me saying that I don't like the name Bert, therefore I am going to harm you, even if you like every other thing the same as I do.
4. I just like the colour green, it calms me. I better go look at some trees after this blog entry. lol
5. Yes the Beatles do rock. Sure some people say their music is a bit cheesy, but what they did with the technology they had at the time can't be ignored. As for ZZ Top and Neil Diamond, I didn't know they released an album together, but I would be interested in hearing it. :-P
6. I like to cook, it relaxes me, especially when I am trying to cook something I have never cooked before, it is exciting to have things turn out tasting great.
7. I know, motorbikes, I don't like watching other people ride them, I just like to ride them myself. I just wish I had a bike right now, it is hurting not having one. I'll have another one in about a year though, and that will be cool. For me, it is a Kawasaki ZZr 1300. My bike of choice. Mind you, if I was on a long tour, it would be a Honda Goldwing, fully optioned.
8. It's cool if you don't get tram infastructre, not many people do, in fact, I may be the only person who does. Trams are a hobby of mine, and while most people like them for the vehicles themselves, it is everything else, and their interaction with the building of a society that I like. If I mentioned I spent a couple of hours yesterday, looking over the parlimentry bills of 1897-1907 concerning trams and the Rosstown railway, would you understand, or at least walk away slowly, never breaking eye contact until it was safe to do so?
9. Sunny Boys, just have a look at what I have previously said about the wonderful delight that is the Sunny Boy.
10. Lego, what can I say, that hasn't already been said. Create it! Build it! Smash It! Shove a piece up your nose!
And finally, to Mikey. I am not a Killjoy fucking! After the Big Blogger incident, the court orders against me, prevent me from taking such action. Actually at the time, I just couldn't be stuffed, so I have tagged someone. Now go off and look at every single blog in the world to find out who that is.
After all that, I need to go and stand on a stage and try to be funny.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
I've been tagged
Hi Saflkimf, and other non made up words.
Well I've been tagged by Mikey, and apparently I have to provide lists of my top ten turn ons, and turn offs.
Regardless of the fact I was standing on a rock and called barleys, he still pulled my pigtails, so I'm going to tell my teacher on him.
But anyway, here are my top tens, in no particular order.
Top Ten Turn Offs
- Smoking
- Alcohol
- Fare Evaders
- Cars without numberplates
- The colour Red
- Coca-Cola
- Mushrooms
- Telemarketers
- Personal Space Invaders
- Bigots
Top Ten Turn Ons
- My Kids
- Cricket
- People who accept me for being me
- The colour Green
- The Beatles
- Cooking
- Motorbikes
- Tram Infastructure
- Sunny Boys
- Lego
Now I'm sure I am meant to tag someone else, to keep this electronic chain mail going, but I wont, I never do. This pyramid ends with me.
Now if anyone wants to ask about any of the things I have listed here, send me a comment, or Feed The Mitch, and I'll go into more details.
Blog Out
HooRoo
Bec
